Remember Who You Serve

My last post started out about a guy. Well, surprise! This one does too.
I was in a relationship, once again, with a guy. He was a great guy, and I had a thing with him for a long time before we decided to date. We both didn't want to rush and that was great. And when we started dating, I was so happy! I stayed happy the whole time we dated. Except I didn't talk to God anymore. I was completely focused on me and this guy's relationship. I don't go into details on this blog, because I know people who know me read it, but something I never imagined would happen did happen. (Go figure. God is always throwing the unexpected at me and making me realize who I really should love.) We aren't dating anymore, which is really a bummer for me. I left school early, and went home and talked to God. That's a lie. I begged to God. I didn't understand why it would happen to me, of all people. (Everyone knows break ups are the worst) and I wondered why he would make me suffer. But I remembered a few things/verses people have told me:

"God doesn't give you situations in life He knows you can't handle. He gives you just enough to strengthen you even more. He would never give you something that was impossible." (Hence, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13)

I love The Message's version of that verse:
Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.
So simply put and so simply encouraging. Also, it's super catchy and easy to memorize.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18

Weeping may last through the night [or a few nights...], but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:4b

"Love ME. If life is so meaningless, why don't you give me your meaningless time and invest in a meaningful relationship with Me?"

We shouldn't seek for the opposite sex to make us feel happy or make us confident in ourselves. God does that x1,000,000,000+++ He is everything we need. People are going to let you down and do everything you thought they wouldn't. It's just a part of human nature. We sin. But the beauty of it is, Jesus died for your sins and loves you with all of His heart.

With everything that I've learned, I know that a relationship won't last if you don't have God as the basis of it. Love God more than you love them.

I'm pretty sure I'm jumping from thing to thing like a lunatic, but hopefully whoever is reading this is following what I'm saying.

Which brings me to another subject (speak of the devil), put others before yourself. I can't tell you how many people have been so selfish lately, including myself.

But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.  Romans 2:8

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. Romans 15:1-2

1. God

2. Others

3. You

So here is me, trying to help you, but failing miserably. But I'm working on it :)

Hang in there. God loves you.

I Am Unworthy...Undeserving. I Am Human.

A while back, I was in a relationship with a great guy. He seemed perfect, but the only flaw was that he didn't have the same beliefs as me. I'm not going to say much about it, but I realized that when the one you like doesn't have the same beliefs as you, it tends to not end well. Those are only my views on it, though.

Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God's holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way: "I'll live in them, move into them; I'll be their God and they'll be my people. So leave the corruption and compromise; leave it for good," says God. "Don't link up with those who will pollute you. I want you all for myself. I'll be a Father to you; you'll be sons and daughters to me." 2 Corinthians 6:14-18

I was talking to a friend of mine last night and got into the subject of unworthiness. How humans are so sinful, to the worst extents. I realized while I was talking to my friend, that I am so unworthy and so, so undeserving of everything God has given me. Most importantly, His love. I am this lowly, sinning wretch. And He is the God of the Universe, Maker of Heaven and Earth. The Beginning and The End. Alpha and Omega. Why would He ever love ME?! There are so many things I have done wrong in my life. So many things I am ashamed of. And yet I keep doing them? And then there's the holy, perfect, amazing God. He sent His Only Son..to die for ME. For MY sins. Why would He do that?

The point is, we will never understand why. Even if it is staring us in the face.

"Seeing how much of wretches we are compared to the unfathomably holy God is what humbles us to the point to making us beg back at the foot of the cross for His mercy and grace. We are so unworthy. And that's the beauty of His grace. We will never understand the extent of His love"-Mia Bautista

It's like gravity. Spiritual gravity, that brings us to our knees. The smaller body gets pulled to the larger one. It's like He's positive, and we're negative. We're like magnets. Satan is also a negative. We're curious to see if we're compatible with him too. But we were never meant to collide. Yet, with enough force, we can. Not forever, though. Once we realize we don't connect, we go right back to the Positive. God. And that's where we're meant to be.
But why do some people choose to reject? Why can they not see an infinite God?
I really have no idea. I don't see how someone can live their life, not seeing that God created this earth. But that's another topic, for a different post.

The point is, God loves YOU. He LOVES you. HE loves you. (Let's see how long it takes to get that across) No matter what you do, He will ALWAYS love you. How ridiculous and amazing is that? I just can't get over it.

"Count it all joy when you fall into trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work,that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" James 1:2-3  

"The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust." James 1:14

I am nowhere close to being the Christian I hope to be. I have so much more to go through before I find complete overwhelmingness in God. But I'm getting closer each day. The thing is, what true Christian is ever comfortable in their sinfulness? We aren't perfect. At least we know we'll get there someday.

Don't let Satan take over you. He cannot control your thoughts, he can only put the ideas in your head. Don't turn those ideas into actions. Stay strong, and talk to God when you're feeling tempted.

Keep following God. Keep Him updated on your life. Be a light to people around you. Show them who God really is. I'll pray for you if you pray for me.

(Much of this post was inspired by Mia Bautista, and I stole a lot of her words. Thank you so much, Mia, for being such an encouraging, Christ-filled friend. I love you. And I'm being cheesy on the internet. That means I love you A LOT.)

Regret

Sorry I haven't posted in a while! I've been really busy.
...
That's a lie. I really just haven't had any motivation. Until now, that is.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about regrets. A good friend of mine once told me something along the lines of this: "No regrets, just lessons learned" It's a great saying to live by, and I try my best to do so. But sometimes that gets really hard.

A while back, I was involved in a terrible relationship. We really liked each other, but our hormones had gotten in the way, to say the least. So, naturally, I became more attached. I started to believe I loved him, which I realize now, I wasn't in love. I was in lust. There is a huge difference. Months went by, he got involved with drugs and alcohol, and eventually, we broke up. He thought I was being too clingy, and decided he wanted to date one of my friends instead. I'd given so much of myself to him, and I'd gotten nothing in return. Just a huge hole in my heart. Keep in mind, this was in junior high. How ridiculous, right? Our society is so messed up. But that's a different story for a different time.

The point of my story is, I was ripped to pieces, and I felt so much regret in my heart, that it took a long time for me to get past it. I realized that there really is no point in regret. It already happened, and there's nothing you can do about it. Some people may never forgive you, but that's not the point. God forgives you. God grieves with you. He feels what you feel. He's there for you. And you should never, ever doubt that.
There's going to be times when you feel like the whole world is against you. Heck, there are going to be a lot of times. But God is always there. From my experience, He can sometimes be the only one there. The only difference is, He will never betray you or leave you for someone else. He had His son DIE for you. How else does he have to prove Himself to you?

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.  
John 3:16-17

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  
1 John 1:9

Regret is really common, but it doesn't have to be part of your life. When you hold onto regret, there's no way you can forgive yourself. Ask God for forgiveness. It really is that simple. Getting there sucks though, I know.
Basically, I'm a human and you're a human. I'm not writing this blog to say I'm better than you. Heck, I'm nowhere close. I'm writing this blog to help people who are going through what I am. And I'm not even sure I'm doing a good job. But I'm trying.

I'm going to pull a shrink move and say, if you need to talk to anyone, email me: claudiajaynehall@gmail.com
I don't care if I don't know you. I don't even have to know your name. I just want to be there for people.

So that's all I have for tonight, because it's 1:45 and I am extremely tired.

I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.
Philippians 3:13

Insecurities

If I said to you right now, "Raise your hand if you've ever been insecure", I'd say everyone would raise their hand. If you never have been before, you aren't human.

God knows that our lives are hard and hectic, and that some people are rude and put us down. But that's only one way that we can be insecure. Another way is when everyone is counting on you so much, and they say you can do it, that you just feel insecure because you're afraid you'll mess up.

This happens to me all the time. I started choir in 8th grade, because my mom made me. I definitely do not regret it, but I really did not like to sing back then. So, I started choir and I loved it, but of course I was not confident in myself. No one ever is when they start something for the first time.
I tried out for solos and duets in songs all the time, but never got them. Whenever I went up to try out, I'd get nervous and my voice would be almost inaudible, but I didn't even realize it. My mom promised me I'd get a solo because I had a great voice, but it never seemed to happen. That brought my insecurities to an even deeper level. I didn't really try anymore. I found friends in choir who didn't care either, and all we did was talk and laugh during class, complaining when we had to do something we didn't want to, like, I don't know, sing? Those weren't my best days. I didn't even make All Region.
That carried on throughout 9th grade, until I got my first solo. I earned a duet and a full-song solo. That was pretty big for me. The turnout happened to be that you couldn't hear me over my partner in the duet, but everyone liked the solo act.
I felt secure for a while, but then came sophomore year. I made All Region the year before, but this year it was much harder, competing against seniors and all. I made 2nd Alternate, which meant if two people didn't show up, I was in. To my advantage, it was flu season, and two people didn't make it, which meant I did! But I still couldn't help feeling like a failure. I mean, I didn't make it on the first try, and I had to count on others for me to make it in the second time around. I found myself sort of pathetic, but still better than everyone else, for making All Region. I really was pathetic.
My mom started making me take lessons from a lady named Mrs. Brown, who is really a fantastic teacher. I was quiet and timid in lessons for a while, since I wasn't comfortable with her. Well, to tell the truth, I was always quiet and timid. Needless to say, I became gradually better and better, and more confident. No, I surely am not fully confident now, I'm just not as insecure.
Here's the difference:
9th grade: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1322027130886&comments&set=t.100001133576377&type=1
10th grade: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uK78VByoitw

That isn't meant to show how awesome I am. (Wow, I didn't meant for it to sound like I'm cocky) But it's to show how much I've improved. I basically based my singing around God. If I didn't get a solo, it's because God had different plans. If I did, I'd sing for God, because he was the reason I even had the voice to start with, and if I didn't do well, it wasn't that big of a deal to me.. That attitude seriously brought me a lot confidence. I used to sing to impress guys, but now I sing for God. So much of a difference.

Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would." And his servant was healed at that very hour. Matthew 8:13

"'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Mark 9:23 

Another insecurity most girls face are looks. A lot of girls cover up their "ugliness" with makeup, which is unacceptable because you were made from God's image. That's truly beautiful. Nobody is ugly. It's just others say you are because you don't meet up to their expectations of looks. And that's total crap, to say the least. Who is to say if you're attractive or not? Only God. It's really nobody's say if you live up to their expectations. If there is something I can't stand the most, it's people's expectations. You have to be skinny, beautiful, popular, practically flawless. Who cares? I'd rather see a uniquely beautiful girl than a clone. No one should put you down. Even if you're beautiful, which you are, doesn't mean you're beautiful all over. I find real beauty is in the inside. That sounds very cliche, but it's true. If you are sweet, nice, generous, genuine, etc., you're automatically gorgeous in my book. That is real flawlessness. A girl totally in love with God is flawless in His eyes.

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.  1 Peter 3:3-4

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. Song of Solomon 4:7

Which brings me to another topic. Boys.
Girls can be insecure about their looks and they can become lonely. Don't try to deny it. I've done it too.
When girls are lonely, they feel like they need a boyfriend to be happy. The guy they pick is usually some scum bag who only wants her for all the wrong reasons. Where in introspect, God is the one you should be searching for. Getting closer to God brings you one step closer to the right guy. You'll find him once you stop searching. It's pretty much a proven fact. Nobody should come before God. He should literally be the love of your life. First God THEN your boyfriend/girlfriend. There is seriously nothing more attractive than a guy head over heels for God.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
(That's better than any guy or girl will ever give you, and that's a fact I'm willing to bet my life on)

This blog is getting too long, and I don't want my laptop to overheat again and delete all my work, so until next time!

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

Doubt

In every area of my life, I seem to be most effected by doubt.
Doubt that my crush likes me
Doubt that I'll make a good grade on an assignment
Doubt that anyone will like me if I introduce myself
Really anything I can think of qualifies in the category of doubt.

Lately I've been doubting that a guy likes me. My past is the reason why this happens to me. I've been hurt, like roughly every teenage girl has, by a guy, and it is really hard to just let go and like someone after that. My brain tricks me into thinking that the guy I know likes me, does not. It's almost ridiculous. Reassurance works for a while, but I just can't get a hold of myself and just let go. God is just now showing me how to trust in Him in situations like this and remember that He has a plan.

"But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt,
because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea,
blown and tossed by the wind."
James 1:6 (NIV)

This is one of my favorite verses. God shows that if you ask Him for something, you have to believe in it, because if you don't, it will just mess you up and keep you from being concentrated on the more important things.

Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, “May you never bear fruit again!” Immediately the tree withered. When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. “How did the fig tree wither so quickly?” they asked. Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” 
Matthew 21:18-22 (NIV)

This passage makes me think of how powerful God is. With our trust and faith in God, we can do anything. Literally, nothing is impossible. And if things didn't work out how you'd hoped, then you know for a fact that it wasn't a part of God's plan.

But this obviously is not even close to narrowed down to just relationships. That's just a reoccurring doubt in my life.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6 (NLT)"