Insecurities

If I said to you right now, "Raise your hand if you've ever been insecure", I'd say everyone would raise their hand. If you never have been before, you aren't human.

God knows that our lives are hard and hectic, and that some people are rude and put us down. But that's only one way that we can be insecure. Another way is when everyone is counting on you so much, and they say you can do it, that you just feel insecure because you're afraid you'll mess up.

This happens to me all the time. I started choir in 8th grade, because my mom made me. I definitely do not regret it, but I really did not like to sing back then. So, I started choir and I loved it, but of course I was not confident in myself. No one ever is when they start something for the first time.
I tried out for solos and duets in songs all the time, but never got them. Whenever I went up to try out, I'd get nervous and my voice would be almost inaudible, but I didn't even realize it. My mom promised me I'd get a solo because I had a great voice, but it never seemed to happen. That brought my insecurities to an even deeper level. I didn't really try anymore. I found friends in choir who didn't care either, and all we did was talk and laugh during class, complaining when we had to do something we didn't want to, like, I don't know, sing? Those weren't my best days. I didn't even make All Region.
That carried on throughout 9th grade, until I got my first solo. I earned a duet and a full-song solo. That was pretty big for me. The turnout happened to be that you couldn't hear me over my partner in the duet, but everyone liked the solo act.
I felt secure for a while, but then came sophomore year. I made All Region the year before, but this year it was much harder, competing against seniors and all. I made 2nd Alternate, which meant if two people didn't show up, I was in. To my advantage, it was flu season, and two people didn't make it, which meant I did! But I still couldn't help feeling like a failure. I mean, I didn't make it on the first try, and I had to count on others for me to make it in the second time around. I found myself sort of pathetic, but still better than everyone else, for making All Region. I really was pathetic.
My mom started making me take lessons from a lady named Mrs. Brown, who is really a fantastic teacher. I was quiet and timid in lessons for a while, since I wasn't comfortable with her. Well, to tell the truth, I was always quiet and timid. Needless to say, I became gradually better and better, and more confident. No, I surely am not fully confident now, I'm just not as insecure.
Here's the difference:
9th grade: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1322027130886&comments&set=t.100001133576377&type=1
10th grade: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uK78VByoitw

That isn't meant to show how awesome I am. (Wow, I didn't meant for it to sound like I'm cocky) But it's to show how much I've improved. I basically based my singing around God. If I didn't get a solo, it's because God had different plans. If I did, I'd sing for God, because he was the reason I even had the voice to start with, and if I didn't do well, it wasn't that big of a deal to me.. That attitude seriously brought me a lot confidence. I used to sing to impress guys, but now I sing for God. So much of a difference.

Then Jesus said to the centurion, "Go! It will be done just as you believed it would." And his servant was healed at that very hour. Matthew 8:13

"'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Mark 9:23 

Another insecurity most girls face are looks. A lot of girls cover up their "ugliness" with makeup, which is unacceptable because you were made from God's image. That's truly beautiful. Nobody is ugly. It's just others say you are because you don't meet up to their expectations of looks. And that's total crap, to say the least. Who is to say if you're attractive or not? Only God. It's really nobody's say if you live up to their expectations. If there is something I can't stand the most, it's people's expectations. You have to be skinny, beautiful, popular, practically flawless. Who cares? I'd rather see a uniquely beautiful girl than a clone. No one should put you down. Even if you're beautiful, which you are, doesn't mean you're beautiful all over. I find real beauty is in the inside. That sounds very cliche, but it's true. If you are sweet, nice, generous, genuine, etc., you're automatically gorgeous in my book. That is real flawlessness. A girl totally in love with God is flawless in His eyes.

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.  1 Peter 3:3-4

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. Song of Solomon 4:7

Which brings me to another topic. Boys.
Girls can be insecure about their looks and they can become lonely. Don't try to deny it. I've done it too.
When girls are lonely, they feel like they need a boyfriend to be happy. The guy they pick is usually some scum bag who only wants her for all the wrong reasons. Where in introspect, God is the one you should be searching for. Getting closer to God brings you one step closer to the right guy. You'll find him once you stop searching. It's pretty much a proven fact. Nobody should come before God. He should literally be the love of your life. First God THEN your boyfriend/girlfriend. There is seriously nothing more attractive than a guy head over heels for God.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
(That's better than any guy or girl will ever give you, and that's a fact I'm willing to bet my life on)

This blog is getting too long, and I don't want my laptop to overheat again and delete all my work, so until next time!

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

Doubt

In every area of my life, I seem to be most effected by doubt.
Doubt that my crush likes me
Doubt that I'll make a good grade on an assignment
Doubt that anyone will like me if I introduce myself
Really anything I can think of qualifies in the category of doubt.

Lately I've been doubting that a guy likes me. My past is the reason why this happens to me. I've been hurt, like roughly every teenage girl has, by a guy, and it is really hard to just let go and like someone after that. My brain tricks me into thinking that the guy I know likes me, does not. It's almost ridiculous. Reassurance works for a while, but I just can't get a hold of myself and just let go. God is just now showing me how to trust in Him in situations like this and remember that He has a plan.

"But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt,
because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea,
blown and tossed by the wind."
James 1:6 (NIV)

This is one of my favorite verses. God shows that if you ask Him for something, you have to believe in it, because if you don't, it will just mess you up and keep you from being concentrated on the more important things.

Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, “May you never bear fruit again!” Immediately the tree withered. When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. “How did the fig tree wither so quickly?” they asked. Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” 
Matthew 21:18-22 (NIV)

This passage makes me think of how powerful God is. With our trust and faith in God, we can do anything. Literally, nothing is impossible. And if things didn't work out how you'd hoped, then you know for a fact that it wasn't a part of God's plan.

But this obviously is not even close to narrowed down to just relationships. That's just a reoccurring doubt in my life.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6 (NLT)"