Do you know what you're doing with your life? Because I sure don't.
My mom and I hang out a lot, especially now that I'm transferring to a college two hours away. The other day, we were in the car and she told me something that my sister told her.
This blows my mind.
My sister said that she thinks I am the most likely to be a missionary out of all the siblings. I'm the most likely to stick with it.
How crazy and awesome is that? And scary. And terrifying.
But amazing.
I constantly beat myself up for not being good enough. About EVERYTHING. I think everyone does. If you are one of the few truly confident (but humble) people in this world, I look up to you.
I think I'm a horrible Christian. I don't act like Christ. I am selfish and rude and conceited. But at the same time I am insecure. How is that even a thing?
I think I am an awful singer. I have potential, but I constantly feel like others around me are so much better (Hey, Claudia. Welcome to college.)
I think I am just so stupid. I constantly feel like an idiot. Like I have the IQ of an acorn. (Hey, Claudia. Welcome to college.)
But recently, I've been burying myself in God. Because it's honestly the only thing keeping me from going insane. My life is CRAZY. (Hey, Claudia. Welcome to college.)
God's been blessing me beyond belief and has been sending encouragement through people. One of which was that message from my sister. She says when I'm not interested in something, I don't try hard (true) but when I am passionate about something, I really stick with it (true).
Missions scares the crap out of me. Me? A missionary? HA! I have the social skills of an acorn, too. And I am awful at foreign languages. I spent 5 weeks in Honduras and my main form of communication was a smile.
So it makes me think... Why God? Why me? I know I'm meant to be a missionary of some kind...but what kind? Do I stay in the states? Do I go overseas? Do I spontaneously combust because I'm so stressed about knowing what Your plan is for me?
One thing comes to mind. Music. I'm good at it. God gave me the talent. So for now I just pursue that with all that I can and maybe, just maybe, God's plan for me will unravel from it.
Advice from someone who knows nothing (me):
Notice God in the little things
-a compliment from someone
-your favorite song coming on the radio
-someone holding the door for you
Notice God in the big things
-it's actually not you who made your life awesome, you know
Thank Him always
-even when crappy things happen. He's doing it for a reason. (remind me of this later)
Some of my favorite quotes from the book The Christians Secret to a Happy Life by Hannah Whitall Smith:
“To the children of God everything comes directly from their Father’s hand, no matter who or what may have been the apparent agents. There are no ‘second causes’ for them. The whole teaching of the Bible asserts and implies this. ‘Not a sparrow falls to the ground without our Father.’ The very hairs of our head are all numbered…”
“Take Joseph. What could have seemed more apparently on the face of it to be the result of sin, and utterly contrary to the will of God, than his being sold into slavery? And yet Joseph, in speaking of it, said, ‘As for you, ye thought evil against me: but God meant it unto good.’ ‘Now, therefore, be not grieved nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither, for God did send me before you to preserve life.’ To the eye of sense it was surely Joseph’s wicked brethren who had sent him into Egypt; and yet Joseph, looking at it with the eye of faith, could say, ‘God sent me.’ It had been undoubtedly a grievous sin in his brethren, but, by the time it had reached Joseph, it had become God’s will for him, and was in truth, though at first it did not look so, the greatest blessing of his whole life.”
I'm really talented at verbal vomiting. I apologize that this blog post was all over the place!
Love always,
Claudia
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