A New Chapter

17 days until I drive to Russellville and only come home when I can get a ride (being carless is super fun. That's not a spelling error.)

So I've been trying to sort out my feelings, because they're all pretty jumbled up.

Pros:
Living in a dorm
Independence, sort of
Connecting with people easier due to on campus
Finding out how to deal with responsibilities and stress but still rely on God
A program I love with people who love each other
Happiness

Cons:
Cafeteria food
I have to get a debit card....... cash > electronic money
Leaving an amazing, God-fearing man (guess who)
Long distance with said man
Can't borrow my mom's car anymore
Flat campus means I have to exercise even more than I do now
Finding God fearing girlfriends
Fitting in
Living without parents, even though it'll be great sometimes
Keeping an even higher GPA in order to keep scholarships

Blah, blah, blah.

I'm so excited for adventures to the lake near campus. And hiking. And running. And yoga-ing. And being independent and thriving.

I'm so scared for my relationship with God. And relationship with said man. But if I focus on the first one, it'll all be okay.

I'm so nervous of gaining back all that weight I lost. And not getting along with my roommate. And not finding true friends. And not managing money well since I'll have a bunch in the same place. On a plastic card. Right at my fingertips.

Haha, wow that didn't help at all. I'm still confused on how I feel.

A Change of Heart

(I was 4 at the time, so I honestly don't know all the details. Bare with me.)
When we were younger, my brother did something that put him in a juvenile facility for years and it directly affected me. But, of course, it took a toll on all of us. I never really understood what was happening. I was too young. But I knew that our family wasn't the same.
I forgave my brother REALLY easily. And I'm sure that has to do with how young and naïve I was. No one else seemed to forgive him like I did.
Even though I had "forgiven" him, it wasn't until this summer that I truly let go of everything that happened. It was as if I had forgotten about the whole situation, yet I was just always, always annoyed and angry at him. Anything he did bothered me.
In the 5 weeks in Honduras this summer, my world got turned completely upside down and my heart shattered and was rebuilt by God. It was the greatest and hardest thing that's happened to me.

Because of all of the things my brother was going through, my family and I were CONVINCED he wouldn't be the first to marry. We were sure my sister would get married first, because well...she's my sister. She's amazing. Always has been, always will be.
But a crazy thing happened. My brother decided to go to a Discipleship Training School in Montana.

Let's take a second to laugh at myself because I was unhappy about this. He just out of nowhere decided to do this. I was actually annoyed at him because a DTS was MY plan. I had it in my head that he stole that from me. HA! I think everyone should do a DTS. If it wasn't for this DTS, he wouldn't have opened the door to the most wonderful thing in his life!

Anyway, he was in Montana for three months, I believe, and then went to Thailand for three months. In Thailand, he met the most amazing girl who was part of a different organization. We all thought he was crazy, because he proposed early in the relationship. They got married pretty quickly, but we all knew the second we met her that she was the perfect fit for him. They are wonderful. This in and of itself is a miracle and I'm so stinkin' happy!
And as if that wasn't enough, they've been married for a little shy of two months and there's a little one on the way! No words to describe my excitement.

It's just so insane to me how God can change peoples' lives around. It's amazing to witness!

As y'all know, I'm an awful writer, but this whole post goes to show that people can change.
Case 1- me.
Case 2- my brother.

And as for my sister? She's getting married now too! To the most wonderful guy.
Ah, my heart is so happy! Hugs and smiles all around!

....except I'm going to be an aunt.... I'm too young for that, right? uh....

I Have A Problem

So here's my problem:
I meet someone, girl or guy. I get really close to them. I get rejected in some way. I still want to let them in...but then I barricade my heart and I shut them out.

I'm so afraid of getting hurt. And because of that, I hurt everyone. And it really bothers me. And I don't know how to fix it.

So I'm laying here in bed wondering, "How am I going to fix this?" I have perfectly amazing people in my life and I shut them out because I'm scared.

I can hear God saying, "So what are you going to do about it? You can't keep running away." And all I can do is tear up and reply, "I don't know" over and over again.

I hate showing my true feelings. Half the time, I won't smile at something funny because I hate cheesy, happy moments. What kind of person am I? A weird one. I don't know.

Gosh, I don't even know why I do this. I guess I just always want to be tough and strong. But in the end I just end up hurting myself!

So here's a simple start:
I'm going to smile at every happy thing. I'm going to not let rejection hurt my heart. I'm going to finally let Jesus heal my heart from all the pain I've been carrying for my entire life. I'm going to let people in. I'm going to feel my emotions and not let my doubts dictate my life. Because I deserve to be happy.

It's my New Years Resolution...two and a half weeks early.

Social Media and How It's Taken Over My Life

I have a love-hate relationship with social media. It sucked me in. I feel this constant need for the approval from others. No one favorited or retweeted my tweet? No one liked my Facebook or Instagram post? I must be a loser.
What a horrible mindset to live in.
There's this Twitter account called Arkansas Confessions, where a U of A student can send in "anonymous" confessions. Usually it's just guys who are too nervous to talk to a girl in person.
For example:
"To the girl who just came in the Hotz laundry room... Please come back and give me your number."
That was from a few days ago.
This account is stupid. But entertaining. Sometimes people confess hilarious things. But mostly, I think it's messing with people's emotions. I know I'm not the only one who secretly wants to be posted about on there.
Here's a confession:
Sometimes I'll see a random guy look at me on campus and I'll actually think "I wonder if he'll post about me..." and of course it never happens. But you know what? I'm glad. I don't want to attract guys who use social media to flirt. Maybe that's a way to set guys apart nowadays.

But on with the show.
I'll list social networks from least obsessed to most obsessed.
5. Vine
I rarely ever post on it. I mostly just get on at night before bed and laugh really hard at the things people post.
4. Facebook
Let's be honest. I only keep my account because of my photography page and to look at blogs people share.
3. SnapChat
I think I just use this to make people laugh. And when I don't succeed, I feel stupid.
2. Twitter
In the past year or so, I've had this constant obsession with wanting more followers. More favorites and retweets. I only posted things I thought people would like. And when they didn't, I'd delete the post. How. Ridiculous. I am judging myself right now.
1. Instagram
I am a photographer. I LOVE photos. So naturally, this is my most used network. I'm so attached to it. I follow all of this awesome accounts and strive to be like them. Why? Why can't I just be myself? And why do I care how many likes I get?? I swear, this generation is the worst. If I don't get at least 40 likes, I feel like I failed. I'm laughing right now. I don't even feel the need to explain further.

So how have I started to fix this problem of being a typical 21st century kid? Well...
5. Vine
I don't get on every night before bed. Sleep is better than getting sucked into an hour of Vines anyway.
4. Facebook
Basically just hid people from my newsfeed that made me mad/annoyed/etc. I don't have a huge obsession with Facebook anymore.
3. SnapChat
Simple. Deleted the app.
2. Twitter
Despite how many followers I had, I decided to delete it and start over with a new one. It's private, so I have to accept follower requests. And I won't be following oodles of people anymore, which will make it harder to use it when I'm bored because there won't be a bunch of posts to read. I'm hoping that my addiction to popularity will go away. If not, Twitter will be gone for good.
1. Instagram
Oh, Lordy. I don't even know. I'm just going to have to pray about that one and not post for a while.

Not really sure where I'm going with this. I just think that our generation is awful. We could change how we look at life if we wanted to. It's just a matter of realizing how messed up and dependent on each other's approval we are.

This is my intervention. If you have a problem like me, then fix it. I dare you.

Three Words: I Don't Know

Do you know what you're doing with your life? Because I sure don't.

My mom and I hang out a lot, especially now that I'm transferring to a college two hours away. The other day, we were in the car and she told me something that my sister told her.
This blows my mind.
My sister said that she thinks I am the most likely to be a missionary out of all the siblings. I'm the most likely to stick with it.
How crazy and awesome is that? And scary. And terrifying.
But amazing.

I constantly beat myself up for not being good enough. About EVERYTHING. I think everyone does. If you are one of the few truly confident (but humble) people in this world, I look up to you.

I think I'm a horrible Christian. I don't act like Christ. I am selfish and rude and conceited. But at the same time I am insecure. How is that even a thing?
I think I am an awful singer. I have potential, but I constantly feel like others around me are so much better (Hey, Claudia. Welcome to college.)
I think I am just so stupid. I constantly feel like an idiot. Like I have the IQ of an acorn. (Hey, Claudia. Welcome to college.)

But recently, I've been burying myself in God. Because it's honestly the only thing keeping me from going insane. My life is CRAZY. (Hey, Claudia. Welcome to college.)

God's been blessing me beyond belief and has been sending encouragement through people. One of which was that message from my sister. She says when I'm not interested in something, I don't try hard (true) but when I am passionate about something, I really stick with it (true).

Missions scares the crap out of me. Me? A missionary? HA! I have the social skills of an acorn, too. And I am awful at foreign languages. I spent 5 weeks in Honduras and my main form of communication was a smile.

So it makes me think... Why God? Why me? I know I'm meant to be a missionary of some kind...but what kind? Do I stay in the states? Do I go overseas? Do I spontaneously combust because I'm so stressed about knowing what Your plan is for me?

One thing comes to mind. Music. I'm good at it. God gave me the talent. So for now I just pursue that with all that I can and maybe, just maybe, God's plan for me will unravel from it.

Advice from someone who knows nothing (me):
Notice God in the little things
-a compliment from someone
-your favorite song coming on the radio
-someone holding the door for you
Notice God in the big things
-it's actually not you who made your life awesome, you know
Thank Him always
-even when crappy things happen. He's doing it for a reason. (remind me of this later)

Some of my favorite quotes from the book The Christians Secret to a Happy Life by Hannah Whitall Smith:

“To the children of God everything comes directly from their Father’s hand, no matter who or what may have been the apparent agents. There are no ‘second causes’ for them. The whole teaching of the Bible asserts and implies this. ‘Not a sparrow falls to the ground without our Father.’ The very hairs of our head are all numbered…”

“Take Joseph. What could have seemed more apparently on the face of it to be the result of sin, and utterly contrary to the will of God, than his being sold into slavery? And yet Joseph, in speaking of it, said, ‘As for you, ye thought evil against me: but God meant it unto good.’ ‘Now, therefore, be not grieved nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither, for God did send me before you to preserve life.’ To the eye of sense it was surely Joseph’s wicked brethren who had sent him into Egypt; and yet Joseph, looking at it with the eye of faith, could say, ‘God sent me.’ It had been undoubtedly a grievous sin in his brethren, but, by the time it had reached Joseph, it had become God’s will for him, and was in truth, though at first it did not look so, the greatest blessing of his whole life.”

I'm really talented at verbal vomiting. I apologize that this blog post was all over the place!

Love always,
Claudia

I Did That

This semester, I have been interning for the First United Presbyterian Church choir. This requires me to go to a rehearsal on Wednesday nights and both services on Sunday morning. Let me tell you, showing up to church at 8:15 every Sunday is HARD for a college student.
This week the sermon spoke to me. Keep in mind, it was early, so I don't quite remember what she said, but I wrote in my Notes on my phone:

"I did that"
Be proud of yourself!

I really like this. I tend to focus on the negative things in my life.
For example:
You aren't as good of a singer as everyone else in your choir.
You are bad at socializing.
You can't play piano.
You aren't beautiful.

Well, that right there is Satan. Plain and simple.

I loved the sermon this week, because I have been realizing how many "I did that" moments I've had.

Quick background:
I decided to transfer to Arkansas Tech University because I am unhappy at the U of A. In order to talk scholarships with ATU, I had to release my scholarship at the U of A. I had NO idea if I would get scholarships at ATU or not. Scariest thing I've ever done.

So onto that "I did that" list!
Knew I wasn't happy and decided to change that.
I did that!
Trusted God and released my scholarship at the U of A.
I did that!
Mastered double handed scales on piano.
Holy crap, I did that!

But more importantly, the "He did that" list.
Blessed me beyond belief.
He always does that.
Believed in me.
He always does that.
Loved me.
He always does that.

I really am just so happy. I always knew God was awesome, but He really showed Himself to me this past week.

"If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities." Luke 16:10

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7

Can I get an "Amen"?

Notes on my iPhone

So I hold here in my hand an iPhone with about 100 entries in my "Notes" app. I've been writing in it while I'm on the go since about October 2011, junior year. I think I'm going to post a handful of these just to show y'all how far I've come.

"Having a relationship with God doesn't last if you just sit back and do as you please. Just like a human relationship, you have to be faithful and work at it." November 16, 2011

"Do not be afraid, just have faith.

Lord, give me the courage I need to be faithful to you. Let my love for you and for other people be so great that my fears will never be able to keep me from doing what is right.

In all these things, I know  that I am never alone because you, God, conquered sin, despair, and even death through your endless love, a love that showed itself through Your Son. I am convinced, Lord, that nothing will ever separate me from Your love." November 28, 2011

I write songs as well. Well....more like poems that I can never decide on a tune for. I know I don't have a talent for this, so bare with me.

"You are the reason for every star
The sun and moon reflect Your glory
I'll look above and see where You are
Each burst of cloud tells Your story

Why do I even complain
How great Your mighty and name
You're the only light I'll ever need
I stay up late and read
The great wonders of Your name" January 10, 2011

A lot of hard things happened after this.

"You brought me out of darkness
My pain was too much to bare
Everywhere I looked
I never saw You there

My mind was far too scattered
Your Word was never read
I called myself Your daughter
But this is what You said

(chorus)
My child, you are not alone
I know your hectic life
Read My Word and realize
It'll take away your strife
I'll heal your broken heart
And sooth your worried mind
It doesn't matter if you're despised
I find you one of a kind

You're my God who conquers all
And I've seen all You works
Somehow I keep doubting
But I'll still praise You when it hurts

Crying out for attention
I seek a man with much charm
But when I feel my heart broken
I find myself in Your arms
You say,

(chorus)

You're always there
You'll never leave
You always care
I'll just have to see

That I am not alone
You know my hectic life
 I'll read Your Word and realize
It'll take away my strife

You'll heal my broken heart
And sooth my worried mind
It doesn't matter if I'm despised
You find me one of a kind" February 26, 2012

"Inadequate
Unworthy
Hypocrite
Unwanted
Taken for granted
Depressed
Fake
Angry
Lack of motivation
Worthless
Undesirable
Unattractive" April 19, 2012

"Take me, God. Use me. I want to be Your blank canvas. I want to know what You have in store for me. Don't hold back. Use all of Your power to change me and move me. I want to feel renewed and whole again." July 18, 2012

"What if what I think is great is great, but it's not as great as something greater?" August 10, 2012

"Humility. If you don't have it, you're gonna get it." February 19, 2013

"Feeling worthless. Am I  not enough for guys? Am I just some hideous beast? When I date a guy, the relationship lasts for way less than I wanted and when I try to talk to a guy, he doesn't answer. I just feel so awkward and creepy and ugly and worthless" May 12, 2013

(Honduras happened)

I went on to list qualities I wanted in friends and in a guy and I've stuck to those standards.

"There's nothing more we need than a clear word of God for our souls.

Changed lives are attractive to a lost world.

Repentance is always good news.

Salvation is incredibly and intimately personal." July 28, 2013

I wrote a post in April 2012 about all the things I thought about myself. I've decided to write a new post doing the same thing.

"Beautiful
Child of God
Awkward
Motivated
Persistent
Hopeful
Trustworthy
Not perfect" October 6, 2013

It's A God Thing

How do I even describe college? One thing is for sure... it's nothing like how people said it would be. In some sense, it is. It's really fun and you meet so many people and it's infinity times better than high school. Everyone knows that! But they don't tell you how hard your freshman year is.

The first day of school, I was completely humbled. In high school, I was one of the best in my choir. I wasn't cocky about it. I honestly don't think I'm that amazing. But I did know I could do well if I tried. So the first day of college, I was completely overwhelmed by my classes and I ended up texting my sister frantically and she came and found me. She's a senior flute performance major so she knows how overwhelming it can be. We went into a practice room and I had a melt down. My sister said "What does your ring say?" I had showed her it when I had gotten it earlier in the summer. It is a ring with Philippians 4:6 engraved in it.

"Do not be anxious about anything. But in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

My paraphrase: Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.

It's my all time favorite verse. It was a slap in the face from God. Here I was, bawling my eyes out because I was so used to being great and now I was the lowest of the low, and I didn't even think to talk to God about it. I made it all about myself.

I've been learning everyday to talk to God about all of my problems, triumphs, failures, annoyances, everything. It's a huge blessing to have such a personal God.

My best friend since 7th grade decided to go to Missouri State and my other best friend is still a senior in high school. So I went into college not knowing anyone. All alone. I'm not the best with dealing with my insecurities, and my friends really help with that. You can imagine how I am when I don't have friends.

I had NO idea how to make new friends since I haven't had to for 5 years. I don't know how to handle the "getting to know each other" stage of a friendship. I just know acquaintances and best friends. So that was really tough. I hung out with so many people, and went to a hundred different events hoping to find someone I could connect with.

My problem wasn't finding friends in general. I had a handful of guy friends, but no girl friends. I am so much better at befriending guys, since I tend to act like one. But let's be real, you can't talk to a guy the way you can talk to a girl. It's just different.

So I dealt with having just guy friends. And it really sucked. I went to my usual worship services and YoungLife events, trying to seek God in the middle of this loneliness. I was comforted, but not as much as I wanted to be. I'm not a crier, but I cried a lot. No one is meant to feel lonely. Everyone should have somebody.

I felt annoying, unattractive, and dumb. Anytime I'd try to talk to someone, I'd turn into this awkward mess and it'd be a train wreck. I had plenty of people surrounding me with love because of YoungLife, but none of them actually knew how I was feeling. I don't share my personal feelings very often. About a week ago, I went to my small group and everyone was so happy and cheerful, but I just felt this overwhelming burden on myself. It was a physical feeling of my heart weighing down in my chest. I couldn't get it to go away. Some of the girls asked if I was okay, if I was tired, the whole bit. I shrugged it off and said I was tired. I knew if I said anything, I'd break down. And Lord knows that's not acceptable (I'm ridiculous and hate feeling vulnerable). I went home and cried a lot.

I have this nasty habit that a lot of other Christians have trouble overcoming. I love reading the Bible, but I never actually do it. I do when I'm at bible studies, church, worship services, etc., but never on my own time. That's the most important part of your relationship with God. So I blame my laziness for most of my problems. It's all me.

This weekend was probably one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. I had met a girl through a U of A twitter account who was also into YoungLife and missions, but I didn't really feel a connection when we hang out. Let me just share with you a revelation I had.

You don't always connect with people automatically. Sometimes you have to decide to make an effort.

So that's what I did. I texted her and said something along the lines of "I don't know about you, but I really need a girl friend. We should hang out more." She replied with "Yes please." That's a God thing. She needed a girl friend just as much as I did (well...maybe not quite as much.)

We started hanging out more and I loved it. She's funny and sincere and a real joy to be around. My favorite part about her? She isn't a partier. I am the complete opposite of a party girl. I've never even been to that kind of party before. And I don't want to.

On Friday, we went to Encounter together. Encounter is an awesome worship session at the Fayetteville Prayer Room. Worshiping and praying with people are my favorite ways to get to know someone.

On Saturday, I legitimately slept my entire day away. I slept until 7 pm. I was just so upset that I didn't have a best friend. I was being pathetic. I obviously could fix it if I really tried.

On Sunday, I picked her up and we went to YoungLife Leadership Training and I learned a lot. Notes all over my guide, let me tell ya. I love those kinds of discussions. The ones where you don't talk because you're so busy writing. I was dropping her off at her dorm but I decided to go in. There was an event going on and I stayed for that. It was so much fun! Afterward, we were going to my car to get her backpack, but instead of getting it and leaving, she sat down and started telling me part of her testimony. I was taken back, but it was really refreshing. It was about 10 minutes later and I asked her if she wanted to go to Mt. Sequoyah since she had never been. It was an automatic yes. So we drove over there and she continued to tell me the story. It was amazing. There's nothing I love more than listening to peoples' life experiences.

Once we got to Mt. Sequoyah, our deep conversation died down and we just took in the beauty of the overlook of Fayetteville. We heard some people slow down and say "Whoa! Look at that! Let's stop!" First timers. :) It's always cool to watch people experience it for the first time. There was a guy and a girl. They came and sat down and we started talking to them! I live off campus, so I am not used to becoming friends with people instantly, but this is definitely what it was. The guy was into photography, so we went on and on about that, and the girl was a Kappa, just like my friend. It was the perfect situation. I really do think that this was a God thing. The whole weekend was. It was the perfect answer to my month long of prayer.

After we left, I had planned on just taking Mollie back to her dorm, but she started yelling, "Hey, (random name)" to random people out the window. If you've never done this before, I advise you to. It's one of my most favorite past times. People get so confused! We drove around campus for a while doing that, and yelling lyrics to songs on the radio. It was the most fun I had had that entire month. Eventually, I dropped her off, and when I got home, my entire being was smiling.

I had the awesome privilege of getting to hang out with my high school YoungLife leader for the first time since early summer on Monday. We talked about everything and I caught her up on so many things in my life. She's a serious blessing and such a wise woman of God. She will always have a piece of my heart.

I wanted to go to my small group later that night, but I couldn't because of a huge amount of homework I had for a class. That class was cancelled 10 minutes after I texted to say I wouldn't be coming. Once again. God thing.

I went and we talked about Genesis 1-2 but it got really deep and we started going through other books as well. It was completely perfect. I can't describe to you how much I needed it. And how much I wanted it. I'll attach some of the stuff I scribbled in my Bible during it. I'm a huge believer in marking all over Bibles. Because then when you go back, you experience what God spoke to you all over again!

Each verse is in here for a reason.

God is personal.
He has a plan. For each of us!
He knows EVERYTHING.
He's planned our entire lives out.
One year for us is like a speck of dust to Him.

Our lives will NEVER be perfect. Because we are sinners.
Take bad times as a blessing because God is protecting you from so much more.

He created plants and animals for us to eat. He created everything for US! He died on the cross for US. What other God would do that??

We don't know everything about creation and God because God doesn't want us to. He is all-knowing and all-powerful. NOT US! We don't know everything, and that's why we have faith!

(Hebrews 11:1 says "What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. IT is the evidence of things we cannot yet see.)

God made galaxies, millions of animals, plants, everything. But he made it all for Adam and Eve. THE WORLD IS FOR US!

If you have time, I really encourage you to watch these videos.

 

Isn't this incredible??

 

 

Isn't this even more incredible? God's love for us is unfathomable. He's INCREDIBLE.

 

 



I'm not even close to sorry for how long this blog post is. It needs to be said.

Whatever you're going through, God's got it and you're going to be okay. I promise. He's the most loving, personal God and He cares about you SO much. Read about all that he's done in the Bible and you'll realize that your problem is so easy for Him to fix. You can overcome this with the power of our Almighty God. :)

I've always wanted to be in love with God the way that I can feel about a guy. And I can honestly say that I feel that way now. But it's even stronger. He's so faithful and amazing. I can't get enough of His love!!

I'll leave you with a picture that hit home when I saw it. I hope you'll feel as convicted as I did. He loves you more than you know.

That Beautiful Place I Call My Second Home

Hey, everyone! Remember me? It's only been 20 months since my last post!

I completely forgot about my blog! One of my friends shared his blog on his Facebook and so I decided to look back over mine! Wow, a few of my posts hit me straight in the heart. Isn't God funny like that? He's really been using me lately. I guess I'll catch y'all up with what's been happening in the past 20 months! I'll make this post about Honduras.

I'm not going to lie. I got really distant from God for a while. I had no excuse for it either. I just did. It was like I was in this hole and I just couldn't get out! I tried so hard to talk to God and to feel His presence, but it wasn't happening.

Most of my senior year in high school, I was a very angry person. I was so pessimistic and unhappy. I almost lost some friends because of it. I was just so mad that my friends were happy and I wasn't! My two best friends had been dating the same guys for years and there I was, unloved and ugly. What a silly thing to believe!

My friends told me straight up what I was doing and I fixed it, for the most part. I've realized if I don't base the solution around God, it won't permanently fix. So I got angry again. I couldn't wait to get out of high school and start my new life in college.

(Side note... Seniors: Don't rush high school. You'll miss it. I know you've heard that 1,000 times, but it's so true. College is fun but so many things are hair-pullingly hard. Enjoy your lack of responsibilities while it lasts :) )

Right after graduation, I hopped on a plane to Honduras and stayed there for 5 weeks. Wow, let me tell you, God is everywhere in that place. When I got there, I was quiet, closed in, and angry. I was excited to be in a new place, but nothing else had changed.

I interned for a mission organization called Mercy International, home to some of the nicest, most generous people I know. I don't want this post to be too long, so I'll skip to when I went 11 miles into the mountains with a team.


I had two roommates. I loved them both will all of my heart, and always will, but Nancy was such a blessing. She is by far the happiest, carefree person I know. If I could keep her in my pocket I would. (Weird? Not to me) I'm so thankful for her uplifting spirit and unbelievably wise and Godly words.

A group of gym trainers from Cincinnati, Ohio, came down for a week in Las Crucitas, a small village in the Middle Of Nowhere of the Opalaca Mountains. It takes on average 7 hours to hike there! If you ever have the chance to go to Honduras, don't skip a beat. It is phenomenally gorgeous. The mountains touch higher than the clouds!

 

 

We hiked up and down rainforests and mountains, and I thought I was going to die. The first and last hour were the hardest! But the beauty of the hike made up for it.

 

When we got there, I was bombarded with a thousand children and so many happy faces. We slept on the concrete floor of a school house and there wasn't any proper plumbing. If I could bring a mattress and a toilet out there, I honestly wouldn't leave.

 

Every night in Las Crucitas (and a lot of small villages in Honduras), there is a church service. Let me tell you, they worship harder than any church in the world, and we have access to all kinds of technology. This was just a bunch of acoustic instruments and about 30 voices. We sang a song for 15 minutes once, each time louder and more passionate. There were people falling on their knees and lifting their hands in surrender. Huge things are happening in Honduras. Let me tell ya.

 

Any service you go in Honduras, there is always one lady who can't carry a tune. Usually, as a music major, I would cringe. But I can still hear that beautiful voice in my head. She was always the loudest and most into it. No words can describe my love for it. :) I'm smiling from ear to ear remembering all of the little things that made me fall in love with Honduras.

 

We came to Las Crucitas to have a medical clinic for two days. Let me start out by saying that people walked miles just to come get Ibuprofen and Pepto. How insane is that to think about?! I drive .1 miles to Walgreens and I'm set. I had the nasty privilege to clean the dentistry tools. Don't you dare complain to me about going to the dentist. This was hard to watch. The dentist would slightly numb the patient's gums and then would yank the tooth out. Okay, okay. I'm done. I won't gross you out.

 

At one point, like it does every day, it started raining. People were still smiling, even though they were lined out the door and getting soaked. That's one thing you won't find in the US. One little boy came in, smiling like a maniac. He made flirty eyes with me and hid behind tables. He was in line for the dentist. Eventually, he got up to the front of the line and sat down. It was pouring down rain and the tin roof was louder than anything I've ever heard before. The boy, Jethro, realized what was happening and started screaming while they pulled his teeth out. Now that's one thing that will stick in my brain forever.

 

 

 

Guess who came around the next day and showed off his lack of teeth? You can't tell me you aren't smiling right now. Such a sweetheart.

 

I met a wonderful woman on the team named Lalayna (Laynie for short). She's the most bad-a person I know. She's so real. I love her to death. She really taught me a lot those few days. 

 

On the hike to Las Crucitas, I got attacked by fire ants and my ankles were covered in bites. I didn't feel much until the night before we were supposed to hike back. I had the worst allergic reaction and my ankles were bigger than Redwood tree trunks. It was that bad. I was an emotional wreck, and Lalayna came over and made it better instantly. She has a way with words! 

 

 

Turns out I had to ride a mule for 7 hours back because I couldn't walk. Don't ask me about how sore my thighs were.

 

Are you tired of reading yet? I'm not done.

 

Another team came my last week of being there. They were the most amazing people. I learned to pray out loud without being scared, I raised my hands in worship, I shared my testimony for the first time in my life, and I felt more at home than I had ever before. I was completely surrounded by God's love.

 

Okay, maybe I am done. My hands hurt. I'll leave you with some wonderful pictures of children that I fell in love with. I hope you'll fall in love too.

 

Oh, and here's a view of a hike I went on to a 360 degree view of mountains. I'm having withdrawals tonight.